Sabrina's Wonderland

其实我不愿意我的日志里出现那么多的：“心情小记”。我总觉得我把我难过的心情写在校内那种地方是为了博取大家的同情。可是安慰的话语之后你是真得得到你想要的东西了吗？而且我还会后悔自责我那么脆弱的一面又被揭露的不堪一击。

早上起床的时候。大脑是很清醒的。但是身体却不愿意动弹。我觉得一点都不开心。一点都不。洛洛姐说每天都要让自己开开心心得。可是我觉得这句话就是扯淡。没什么事情怎么会无缘无故的开心呢？我还没有出家还没有皈依红尘。我没办法做到没事儿整天乐呵呵得。我觉得我神经病。

4号的时候。我爸我妈还是大包小包的出逃西安来看我了。我十分不愿意。我早上不清醒的躺在被窝里的时候。我就想他们怎么就那么烦呢怎么就没有自己的生活呢？？？她们来了我没有办法跟我的亲朋好友出门狂欢。我也不可能半夜报个电脑不睡觉早上不起床。而且我妈还老要来看着我上电脑看我跟谁聊天。我特别烦。Spite说你真的都不会想家吗？？我说你试试一天三四个电话你还会主动想起它吗？？？我要自由。我不习惯跟爸妈分担我的所有。我只是希望她们能够健康快乐。不要管我太多。

照片说明：在人多的屁滚尿流得天安门广场得彩车1前。陕西的彩车前。我爸一个快门没按好结果我就睡着了。但是我觉得还挺能表达陶醉的感觉的。所以说照相的时候快门的时间长短很重要。

我妈一定要让我在国台门口照相。那天去西单碰到了大鸟。大鸟说我又变漂亮了。估计是说给我妈听得。肯定是想骂我又长胖了。谁听不出来话里的穷酸劲儿。旁边跟着个妞儿就是不承认是朋友。诶呦。剪了个非主流的刘海跟着我面前美了一把。我也回敬了他两句。大鸟是我在央视结识的一个见了面就损我的哥。多年未见了。。。。

那天阳光可美。而且我拉着我妈给大悦城和君太送了不少节日礼。最后我被迫跟我爸我妈去吃了我一直鄙视的面香居。每次都问我想吃什么。茶马古道蕉叶豆捞坊。没一个俩老人家愿意吃的。我妈说要吃岐山哨子面。我说妈北京这地儿没那玩意儿有了也不正宗你爱吃面就跟家待着。结果我爸操了。严重鄙视了我喜欢吃的石锅拌饭是垃圾。结果那天回家非常不愉快。而且我爸嫌我让他多走了一站地铁的路以散步之名。真讨厌。

我生拉硬拽的把我爸我妈拉到了鸟巢。两位老人家一点兴趣都没有。我就讨厌大过节的跟家里面待着我爸还就喜欢在家待着太无聊了吧。我爸很懒。两层的楼梯都只要坐电梯。但是我爸很爱我。然后我竟然发现我丫的做了那么傻逼的一手势顶在了我爸的脑门儿上。。。我妈的杰作。。。。

后天上班。想到就很压抑。抽风完毕。

昨天晚上辗转反侧一晚上没有睡着觉。我在凌晨1点钟写的信件硬是撑到东方的天空变成鱼肚白了。我才怯怯得按了发送键。然后基本上没有睡着。一整天担惊受怕的等待着那个结果。I know you pretend to be unaware of it.

原信部分如下：

I am not sure whether you will get this mail and read it, but I have to tell you my real feeling which has been hidden in my heart for a long time: Since the day you left my home, I can't help thinking about you. I think I've already have fallen in love with you, so strongly.

我知道这是个错误。但是我想如果我不告诉你我有多想你的话我会后悔一辈子。虽然说我迟了一步。但是我抱着一丝丝的小希望希望你会回到我身边。我知道你回不来了。所以我放弃你吧。

If you do not reply my mail I will make the conclusion that we are just friends, and I will not disturb you unless you contact me first.

就这样吧。

我的心很冷。在秋天北京风光明媚的秋天。我的心嗖得凉了下来。

童年的万花筒。

下午陪爸爸妈妈去大栅栏。我拿着万花筒的小玩具玩了很久。店里放的是刘若英的《一辈子的孤单》。我很怀念小的时候那种快乐的拿着万花筒可以开心一整天的日子。爸爸说“原来北京还有这么破烂的地方”。在这个山珍海味遍布江山的时候我们更在乎的是一碗棒渣粥的余热。

突然想到了这个闹哄哄的娱乐时代。我们都是文化快餐的俘虏。纵使有人说青春就要尽兴，纵使我一意孤行的认为来自内心最最单纯的快乐是臆想得自我疗伤。但是我们的确需要乱世不惊的胸怀才可以发现本真的美好。我倒不会现在说那我还是一个人过孤独的日子。但是至少我们应该在拥有的时候不要去抱怨。得不到的时候不要去哀怨。

很久没有认真看过书了。《世界是平的》在家里放了一个月落了厚厚的灰。在妈妈和我依依不舍的道别之后我关上门还是哭了。那么深那么厚的爱有时候我觉得我承担不起。爸爸。真的老了。

昨天晚上翻出来Coach Lin的录像作业。那么纯真的年代是不是一去就不复返了。我们认真的准备当Oscar红地毯上的明星。我们客串《康熙来了》准备我们的《complete campus fashion guide》我认真的和秦翼拿着DV跑遍大街小巷就为了做一期《共同关注》。那么充实那么朝气的日子。忽然发现那个时侯年轻的我真的很不可一世。眼睛里自信的光芒。现在黯淡了很多。

明天的明天我们会在哪里？Growing pains. 生命不能承受之轻。

最近的右手，最暖的胸口。太久太久。是否过了太久。

喝醉了小河边唱着歌。永远爱我是你说过。

我心底藏了好久。那最柔软的角落。

After work, I had an idea of going to the Chang'an avenue to see the National Day's celebration and feel the atmosphere there. I pick up the  earphone enjoying the Taylor Swift. Her words seem to have some magic that all along the road to square, I felt like having gotrten a new life and made me feel like I am the only one existing right at that moment.

I had a pleasent chat with Li Sha, a girl who is also a newcomer as me. Different poeple have different goals and of course the happiness and disappointment. However what is impotant is the attitude facing life. I really appreciate her active idea of "never too old to learn" and her serioud attitude to the programme, We can change everything but have to stick to the principle that "move forward and make it better" we shoud not forming the idea of "living form day to day". That is our precious Passion.

I know where I wanna go. Those who success is not the very talented people but ones who make preperation for every chance. Before the opportunity, the only thing you could do is to accumulate till one day you have the diamod to show out. And then your dream will come true. Never stop to walk in line, taking along with your beautiful smile. Sabrina, nothing is impossible,

PS. Silence is the gold.

I know I have already missed you but I can not help missing you.

Still I was a little pissed off, cause during the exact first two days of the celebration of the National Day, I was doing something even not on edge of that, editing the news which is not related. As a reporter from CRI English Center this is defenitly very disappointing....

When I got home this afternoon, CCTV 1 was replaying the celebratio party last night. How wonderful it is !!!!!I would like to cry out that " I am so proud of you !China !!" The words Chan Leong sang" Country consisits of homes, and home belongs to country. If only the country is presperous while the home is happy" I was nearly cry. 60 years of the founding of the People's Republic of China, the road is not sailing in plain. I still remembered 10 years ago, when I was only 12, our family was staying home watching TV to see the celebration of the 50th anniversary of the founding of PRC. Outside was raining heavily, who can imagine that such huge changes and great achievements Chian has made just during 10 years!!!!! Ten years past just as if a tip of drink.

Mom calling when I had supper. I told her I thought last night's party seemed a little bit out-time. However she told me that my aunt who is now living in USA tooka day-off for work just in order to watch the National parade and the evening party. Mom told me aunt had said that she felt so proud of China, and the party was even better than the Opening ceremony of 2008 Olympics! Mom added that she also felt happy and full of joy cause China is becoming stronger and stronger. Suddenly, I cried. Yes, motherland can be regarded as everyone's Mother, everyone should be proud of their Mother espcially when we see our country is getting better and better. " Chineses has stood up from now on" I finally can feel the power of these words.

I think I should download the parade and the evening party video to look seriously once again. China , happy birthday to you and I am so proud of you! I love you!!!!!!

I suddenly realised how important the effct will be made by the media. When disaster is really coming, the media should make its voice od encouraging the people who suffering not to be afraid, to show rhe enymies how united our country . And the media also has the responsibility to discover the dark side in the society to warn the criminals and ineptitude officials at home and criticize the unfair things abroad to make a better country and world. I am so delight to see so many people are gathering in Tian'anmen Square to make such fantastis and wonderful parade and party to show the world our strong country and closely united nations. Every member of China should remember this day, remember the beautiful senery, remember those made slef sacrafice and prepared the birthday presedent for the motherland with whole heart.  Every does a little, there wil be huge quantity. Let us be together to pray our country and wish her " tomorrow will be more splendid". I love you !!!!!! For my life time!!!!

I may just had already finished a piece diary full of proud of sending the best wishes of my motherland's 60 birth, saying I love her so much! And Expressing my love for all the foreign friends who are working in my office cause Duggy, a funy guy wha shaked hands with everyone in the office by saying words"Happy birthday China!"; Tom, a lovely guy who smile widly to everyone and Kitty who is a vegeterian and asking seriously to everyone in the pffice to do some body exercises everyday ! When I was writtint the bad story that when I found out that the handsome guy in our office had just already have a beautiful girl friend right exactly workng in the same place with me and it would be the exact time I might express how deaperate I was , I pressed a button without notice,then a whole article which originally I could finish was disappeaered!!!!!!!!!! 

I am now the desperat house wife!!!!! Shit!!!!!!!

The final words I will say here is " well, Long live China !"